


The Haggard Tiercel

by bookstorequeer



Series: Gamehawking [3]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, M/M, Premonition, Psychic Abilities, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-18
Updated: 2012-09-18
Packaged: 2017-11-14 12:03:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/515042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookstorequeer/pseuds/bookstorequeer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they started getting serious, Phil Coulson told Clint Barton the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Haggard Tiercel

**Author's Note:**

> This started out being called "When You Go" (based on the [Jonathan Coulton song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCH87-cbDpA)) but I wanted it to fit in to this 'verse.
> 
> A "tiercel" is a male falcon or hawk and "haggard" is used to mean "of a hawk, caught from the wild when adult," as derived from "looking exhausted and unwell, in poor condition; wild or untamed." So, there you are.
> 
> Some events here refer (vaguely) to some theories regarding Coulson's origins. If you're unfamiliar, it probably won't register.

When they started getting serious, Phil Coulson told Clint Barton the truth. Not all of it about the things that SHIELD planned in the dark when no one else was watching, but the truth about himself. He told Clint to expect him to die somewhere in the future but that he would come back. He wasn't sure how he would return or how long it would take him to find Clint again but he told his Hawk that he wouldn’t be gone forever.  
  
The look on Clint’s face made him ache and for a week after he kept finding his broken bird roosting in the chair in his office, having forgone the nest under the rafters for a perch where he could keep an eye on Phil. He didn’t mention it, just smiled and kept apples handy for late nights when they got peckish; just because he had ForeSeen his own death--the feel of it, if not the exact circumstances--didn't mean that he was any more excited about it than Clint's fidgets told him the acrobatic assassin was.  
  
  
Unfortunately, even being such a powerful thing still meant that he had a part to play in the drama. It hurt, strangely, to see Clint so taken over by Loki and the Tesseract's power but the world was, quite literally, falling down around him and Phil almost welcomed his own death, despite the physical pain, because that meant that the events he'd ForeSeen were unfolding as they were supposed to. Although he hadn't Seen Clint on the other side of this death, he could swear that he'd _felt_  the other man and he had to content himself with that much faith and certainty. He wasn’t sure he wanted to live forever if it meant he would forget what his befeathered boyfriend looked like ruffled and half-awake.  
  
Following the instructions laid down in a file to be opened only upon Phil Coulson’s death, Fury cremated his empty husk of a body. The ashes were buried in the desert where their base had crumbled and Phil woke later in the dark, cold and trembling. There was a blanket of stars above him and he stared at them for a long while before sitting up slowly.  
  
  
When he finally found his way back to Stark Tower, body aching and new, most of New York had been rebuilt and Clint refused to unlock the deadbolt. He could have picked the lock, blown the hinges or bribed Stark for access but it was the top room in the tower and that roost told him more about heavy-hearted Hawks hiding from everyone than his own useless visions ever had. Instead, he spoke through the door for hours, telling stories about Sadie and growing up the first time—because the memories were still true, even if he’d come around again—before Barton would deign to see him. He wasn’t too surprised when Clint decked him after staring for a full minute, head tilted and raptor-like in a way that Phil hadn't seen in months.  
  
"You bastard."  
  
Phil sighed, shook his new bones to rearranged them into upright and stood silently as Clint's features crumpled.  
  
"I'm sorry, Clint," he murmured, moving closer when his Hawk swayed towards him.  
  
"You died and I wasn't even there."  
  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
  
If Clint had feathers, Phil was sure they'd be drooping and leaving broken primaries around his feet. There was guilt in those familiar bones, anger in a scowl and Phil sighed. He liked how Clint felt about him but it there was nothing any of them could have done to prevent his old body from being killed. It had pulled the Avengers together and, even if Clint was mad at himself for not preventing it like he'd sworn to, Phil couldn't regret that it had happened. It was difficult to be angry even when those eyes were solemn, because the feathers broken between them would grow back stronger and Phil's knee no longer ached when the weather was damp and cold.  
  
"I should have killed him," Clint muttered into his shoulder and Coulson shook his head.  
  
"I don't want you to kill anyone for me."  
  
"But—"  
  
"Loki has his part to play in all of this, just as that old body did and just as you do. We can't change that."  
  
There was a long moment of silence that made Phil almost smile for finally feeling at home with his raptor.  
  
"You look different," Clint said against his neck, muffled but calmer.  
  
"I do," Phil agreed.  
  
His body was younger, bones less brittle and muscles more supple, like when he'd grown up in it the first time. It wasn’t unheard of to come back so fully formed, it was just rare, and he was grateful that he’d saved the time, this go-round. He thought he might be about Clint's age and that made him smile.  
  
“Come on,” he murmured, kissing a temple and feeling hair like soft down brush his lips. “Show me your new nest, Eyas.”  
  
Phil let himself be willingly tugged inside, the door locked to keep the world out. He curled around his Hawk, wrapped in silky Stark sheets and arms that wouldn’t let go, and he dreamt of flying.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> An "eyas" is a young hawk or nestling, meant here to be a term of endearment. Hawk-themed, of course.
> 
> So, there's a theory out there that Coulson is [Vision](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vision_\(Marvel_Comics\)). I'm not too familiar with this character but I do like the idea of him not being dead. So this fic happened. Let's just go with it.


End file.
